Good Cop Jackpot Lottery

Good Cop Jackpot Lottery

Today the Justice Department announced a new program called the Good Cop Lottery. Taking a cue from hit reality TV shows such as Survivor, and Shark Tank, Attorney General of the United States Loretta Lynch announced a new multi-million dollar incentive to good cops who do not kill citizens.

“We pay CEOs, athletes, celebrities and hedge fund managers hundreds of millions of dollars to handle our money and to entertain us, so why wouldn't we pay our best cops a few million for not killing us?” she opened with today in Ferguson.

“The program is simple, the Justice Department will set aside 1% of our annual budget into a Good Cop Jackpot. $1 million dollars a day, will be placed into this fund every single day. When we go a full calendar day in the United States without an officer of the law killing a citizen we will hold a drawing to see which officer wins the jackpot!”

Loretta gushed, “CBO has projected that the pot will reach billions of dollars since we haven't had killing free day in the last half-century.” Realizing that Jackpot would never be triggered Loretta says it as a no-brainer as she can just borrow against these escrowed funds at will.

To be eligible to win the jackpot the officer and none of his supervisors may be involved in killing a citizen in the last 5 years or have a sustained citizen complaint of excessive force in the last 3 years.

George Soros chuckled and seeded the pot with $100m.

Desperate police are already strategizing how they could go a day without killing a citizen.

Originally posted on Facebook on June 16, 2015.