Journal for Kyle: Your First Five Days

Monday October 8, 2001, 8:21 AM

Kyle, you are now laying on our big dining room table wrapped up in a blue airplane blanket. You are squirming around, trying to let me know that you are hungry. You are also hiccupping. On the other side of the planet, US and British forces are now striking down the Taliban and terrorist camps. They said they hit the home of the spiritual leader of Afghanistan. I only hope that we do a thorough job.

I am going to keep a journal for you and write down some thoughts about life along the way. All of these thoughts I am sure have been written down with more eloquence by others before, however, as I grow I keep thinking it would be nice if there was a trusted source of information, hints and tips on living from someone in my own family. So without further ado, I start.

First, when you have a baby, go to all of the baby raising classes, it will make you feel better and more importantly it will make your wife feel better. She has a tremendous responsibility and she is looking for all of the support and assurance she can get.

Another tip, when spending your time at the hospital, realize that when the hospital staff say the food down in the cafeteria is good, they can only be saying this statement from one of two positions: one, they really do think the food is good because they eat it everyday and have little to compare it to, or two, they do know how bad the food is and they want to encourage you to try it.

Cutting the umbilical cord: There is this strange tradition of fathers who are there when the baby is born to cut the umbilical cord. I do not understand why. Take your cord for example, as you came out your cord twisted rather tightly around your chest. So, your doctor Diaz said, "Hang on, after I cut the cord, you can cut the cord." What kind of nonsense is this? What is this misplaced anger against the cord? What would I accomplish with cutting the cord a second time? So I say leave the cord-cutting to the doctor and hold your child's hands instead.

That is what I did. As soon as you were lifted up, you were placed on your Mom's chest for just a moment, you flailed and were anxious, but not crying too loudly — in fact I cannot say clearly that you cried out a lusty cry — but your Apgar test said that you did. But after that moment on your mother's chest you were carried back over to this receiving box for babies. There I put a finger of mine in each of your hands, and you immediately quieted down. I do not know where I knew how to do that, but that is what my heart wanted to do. You turned your head towards me, and your eyes rolled around independently and crazily and you tried for the first time to focus on something, but you immediately started looking at me. You and I spent a lot of time together for the first 3 hours of your life, I was with you as you got cleaned up, as they tried hard to get you to cry. Your mom cried with joy when she saw you despite having just labored for 27 hours and needing to be sewn back up. She is a very strong and great woman, I am very proud of her. Always treat her with love and respect because she has nothing but devote love for you.

Now you have been alive for 5 days, and your mother has just gotten used to the idea of sleeping when you sleep. Previously she thought it would be best to set a watch over you and watch you 24 x 7.

On the sunset of your 4th day I took you across the street here in Laguna Beach to Heisler Park and walked with you in the Snugli baby-carrier and sandals. We walked through the surf together, and I drew a drop of the Pacific Ocean across your head. Well that is my bit of spirituality. My point is that as the sun went down, and the day changes into night, and the land changes into the ocean, and the Pacific waters touch all, here, I want you to feel an intimate connection to the rest of the world that you are a part of.

Learning to be happy with yourself is probably one of the great challenges in life. I am still working on it. My greatest challenge right now is debt. I am constantly allowing myself to maintain a debt level, I have this huge confidence in my ability to earn more, but this year we are now experiencing a deep recession, and at Taldren my game company, I have had to take half-salary this year. We need to solve this problem this year, one way or another. Whenever you have a big problem, realize it must be broken down into a series of small problems. At work I need to get the Activision TNG contract to pay for itself, and I need to sell Black9. We will do both of those.

Now, you are a warm little bundle in a Snugli in my lap as I type away. You are a very sweet, calm baby. When you are hungry you start wriggling around, opening and closing your mouth, wanting to be fed.