Why I am happy that I have had food poisoning for the last 4 days?

So yesterday I felt like crap. That was because on top of running around doing just a few jobs, I had lets just say gastrointestinal technical difficulties for the previous 3 days.

Last night I could not sleep. Second night of fevers and headaches, and so I dragged myself to a local doctor. He charged me $3.50 to tell me that I had better get to the emergency room with my unexplained fevers.

So I get to the emergency room; hand them the old doctors scribble of unexplained fevers, and in just moments I have a whole crew of doctors around me.

That surprised me for there was a guy missing most of his lower jaw that was being worked on by just a couple of guys. And a lady holding up a cutoff finger who was looking more than a bit irritated that she did not warrant more than one person minding her.

My stomach was super queezy and killing me, my headache was pissing me off, and it was pretty damn hot in Seoul yesterday. So what I really wanted is some stomach medicine - quick.

Instead, they were bending my neck around, lifting my knees to my chest, and asking me many questions about the headache.

Next thing the lead guy of the crew told me is that there is an epidemic of meningitis going around Seoul. He asked me if I knew what meningitis was all about. I said no, I did not want to know. He shrugged that off and continued to inform me that, there used to be 1 per month, then 1 per week and now they were seeing 1 per day there at the emergency room. And that if it was not diagnosed and treated my head could swell up and I would die sometime apparently quick.

He tells me he needs my blood and urine - no problem. A chest x-ray and a brain CT scan! Okay all that sounds crazy but cool sure.

But then he says he needs to put a needle in my back and drain some spinal fluid. Okay that's it. Needle into my spine. F that I feel.

I hit my quota for bullshit for the day. I told the doctor in my broken but very serious Korean, that if he wants to stick a needle in my back he is first going to have to get some drugs into me first to bring me back down from wanting to destroy him.

Being Korean he jumps on the task and readily agrees to drug me up. So he sends over this new guy to put this huge freaking needle in my arm.

I have no problem with needles, blood or any of that. I could tell you other stories. But this needle did not look like a needle for humans. It seemed like it was 3/16ths of an inch thick, I must be exaggerating, maybe it just a fat 1/16th going on an 1/8th. But it was fat, with a solid dark maw that I could see into.

This guy clearly would rather be anywhere than to be putting that needle into my arm. He tied me up with the rubber tubing and spent at least a solid 6 minutes thinking about my veins. Then he squatted down, put his shoulder into it and started digging in. Now even though it was going to be a big hole, I was cool with this because I had a bag of narcotics waiting on the other side of this hole digging deal.

What started to piss me off more is his lack of confidence in the direction that my vein traveled in. I could tell as he kept pulling the needle back and then pushing in again at 10-15 degree rotations. After a bunch of whimpering and yelping and one large fat tear on my part, he decides to abandon that hole and go on to make 3 more in different locations on both arms.

After a while he and I agree that we both need someone else digging holes in my arm. So he calls in a nurse. She takes in my bloody arms in one glance, tells me to lie down, and then she just slides that big needle in - and I swear I almost do not feel it.

She is my new best friend. I tell her so in Korean. She smiles. It is all cool now.

The drugs are rolling in.

I am feeling fine now... so I lay over. And now comes a nice happy nap.

Excellent.

...an hour or two later...

Chest x-ray no problem, urine cool (well actually warm), brain CT first one ever - strange taste in the mouth, but with the drugs very relaxing actually. I like the spinning magnets.

So then later comes the neurologist. She tells me that it is very unlikely that I have meningitis because I am coming back together so quickly. Nice.

My wife is there and she wants the needle in the spine just to be sure. Not Nice.

Whenever my wife is not looking, the neurologist is shaking her head no but saying, it is my choice. Reminds me of the time in vegas when I kept asking for a hit holding a 16 vs. a dealer 9, and after 5 times asking for the hit he pealed up the corner of the top card showing me a hand busting face card.

I went home.

I was so happy it was just 4 days of food poisoning!

-Erik <div

Originally posted on LiveJournal